This was an entry from the Wergle Flomp poetry contest, which requires the poet to create the worst poem they can, then submit it to the poetry “scam publishers”, who would publish anything and then try to get you to buy a $50 book.

With Certainty

by Guy Anthony De Marco

My life is one big mess.

I ogle the closet, select a red dress.

My life lacks a certain certainty

I forgot, I stand when I pee.

I can’t make up my mind.

At least I think I can’t, and that’s being kind

I like writing poems that rhyme.

If I don’t, then I’ll use a different word.

My work life is bruised like an orange.

I can’t think of anything that rhymes with ‘Orange’.

I live in a cubicle writing fake press releases

Yes, I’d like some coffee, if you pleases.

I wish my love life was gold and silver.

Damn it, I can’t think of anything that rhymes with ‘Silver’.

Either.

Oh bother. There goes my meter.

I guess I can’t write poetry

At least not without some certainty.

I’d wear that red dress to the Poetry Oscars.

Too bad I’m a hairy guy and only wear boxers.