Blog Freebie Stories

Failed Ford Turing Test, Bad Robot, No Oilcan

So I went onto the Ford section of JustAnswer.com to ask a question. A pop-up appeared, and it said Pearl Wilson was typing. She asked me about my issue with the vehicle, but by the third question I knew it was either a scam or a Turing test written by a kangaroo jumping randomly on a keyboard. See the results for yourself. This is the second set of questions I answered.   Pearl Wilson, Ford…

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Things You Should Never Say To Your Kids

Stay out of the drainage tunnel, that’s where they park the ice cream trucks during the winter. You want me to unchain your evil twin in the basement? Of course there’s monsters under the bed. They can’t all fit in your sock drawer. (Sticking head out of the patio door) “If you goddamn evil clowns don’t stop trying to eat my kids, I’m gonna have to call an exterminator!” You know where mineral oil and…

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Blog Freebie Stories

Movies, Shows, & Books Re-Imagined as Horror Flicks

The Wizard of Oz – After sustaining a head injury, a woman goes on a psychopathic battle to the death for the last pair of ugly red shoes. Yertle the Turtle by Dr. Seuss – A megalomaniac reptile seeks to recreate the original big bang theory of turtles all the way down. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer – A mutant, a monster, a pickaxe-hurling maniac, and a dental torturer with rusty pliers band together and descend…

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Blog Poetry

Wergle Flomp Poetry

This was an entry from the Wergle Flomp poetry contest, which requires the poet to create the worst poem they can, then submit it to the poetry “scam publishers”, who would publish anything and then try to get you to buy a $50 book.   With Certainty by Guy Anthony De Marco   My life is one big mess. I ogle the closet, select a red dress. My life lacks a certain certainty I forgot,…

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Facebook Legal Notice (Extra Funny Added)

In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare that my copyright and trademark are attached to all of my personal details, illustrations, graphics, comics, paintings, photos, videos, nude pornos I made in the 1990’s, that picture of me burying a dead body, horrific close-ups of my nose hairs, doodles I made in the snow when the bathroom was occupied, etc. (as a result of the BizarroCon Rules of Etiquette). Any commercial use of…

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